Your Word Goddess

The way is love

Our divorce stats hit over 80%–That sucks the BIG one!

I was thinking about my cousins yesterday and how many of them are divorced.

From both my mother’s and father’s family combined, the stats are a bit above the average.

Out of ten cousins, six are divorced. That’s 60%, above the average by 10%.

But, when I broke it down the stats got shockingly bad favouring my mother’s family. (If I can put it like that, it doesn’t seem like much of a favour.)

In my father’s family, there are four cousins and two are divorced. The average at 50%.

However, in my mother’s family, there are five divorced and one married. That’s 83%! That’s so not good. (I haven’t included the one unmarried stat because she’s engaged.)

At first I was surprised, and then I really wasn’t. That’s what my writing is about after all.

Something went wrong with my maternal grandparents and their four children suffered and so did we obviously, the next generation.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I’m not blaming my maternal grandparents. They lived through the first and second World Wars in England and that’s got to affect a person.

My grandfather was hospitalized on three occasions for exhaustion, which was the word for depression back them. And my grandmother wasn’t equal to the task of parenting. She wasn’t confident, she was broken. They were both broken.

My paternal grandparents had been living in Canada for many generations. Though they lived through the wars, they were far removed from them. Their children came through that period in history less broken.

That’s probably an oversimplification, but I really didn’t know my dad’s parents so I can only go on what I have heard about them second hand.

But I knew my maternal great grandparents and grandparents, so I know a bit more about where they came from.

I have inherited my grandfather’s depression. Was it nature or nurture? I believe a bit of both.

My mother wasn’t too thrilled about being a mom. She’d been obliged to help raise her siblings from the age of four when her first brother was born. From what she’s told me, her childhood was very hard. A lot of responsibility was heaped onto her shoulders too young.

When it came time for her to marry and have children, which is what was expected of women at that time, she felt she must do what society expected of her so she had me. She didn’t have any other kids though.

I think that was a good choice because looking after others is so not my mother’s thing. She did too much of it as a child under duress that she resents it, and she resented me.

I don’t know what my uncles and aunt passed on to their children from their upbringing, but it was obviously something because none of us can keep our relationships together.

It’s a sad legacy.

My mother was treated for depression in her early 20s. And I’ve been treated for it and am being followed by a psychologist (who seriously kicks ass she’s so amazing!). I think my mother bore the heaviest load being the oldest sibling, and the oldest girl child. A double whammy!

And I’m the oldest grandchild and a girl, so I got a triple whammy! Lucky me (so not!).

I don’t know if any of my cousins will have mental health issues or if they already do and they’ve gone, as yet, untreated.

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see on that one.

In some ways it feels like I’m watching a car crash moving in slow motion. I so hope I’m wrong. (About these things however I’m rarely wrong. Another legacy. Sigh!)

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