The only constant in life is change
Change isn’t always an easy thing to accept.
And I know what it feels like to be faced with change I didn’t really want and found hard to accept.
It happens to everyone, eventually.
It happened when my best friend died when I was 5, when my parents separated when I was 10 and the list goes on from there.
But facing change is part of life’s challenges. Part of what being human is all about.
And more often than not change is an opportunity, even if it doesn’t feel like it or look like it to begin with.
Even the most difficult experiences I’ve lived through have been positive in some ways too. I’ve learned how strong I am and that even through mourning and adversity I can survive and even thrive.
But what people often don’t talk about are the emotional successes that come from living through change.
I learned through the tragic death of my best friend when I was 5 that it was okay for me to go on and live and have other friends despite his not being able to. So I chose to live my life and enjoy my friends partly to honour him. A life-affirming decision.
I learned from my parents’ separation and divorce that if I was not happy in a relationship I had a right to get out of it. That my feelings and needs and wants are important. And that I have a right to make a choice.
I have learned from losing love that the love I want exists and that I was right to keep looking for it and believing in it.
And these are some of the things I’ve learned from change.
I’ve also learned that I have a choice as to how I choose to respond to the changing events in my life.
Ironically some of the cruelest people I’ve known have taught me how to face the world with love.
I used to be very, very angry, which made me feel very vulnerable. But once I accepted my own vulnerability because I have no control over anyone but myself, I started to see that I could choose my response to anything and everything.
And I realized facing my world with anger wasn’t working for me. That my vulnerability came from feeling as if I had no control over things that happened to me in my life, and it was true I didn’t. But, that wasn’t my fault. Things change.
So I decided not to be negatively influenced by the people I hated and didn’t respect and didn’t like, but instead to choose my own way of handling the changes in my life.
Since I made this decision, the way I see and therefore experience my whole world has dramatically changed.
Change isn’t always fun or easy, but it is normal and I can see positive in everything.
And I also know I can make choices for me. And that despite my history, I am not bound by it in any way.
That is one of my most liberating realizations yet.
Some things happened to me that were pretty shitty, but that doesn’t mean I have to believe my life will be shitty.
Those changes happened and they were hard to handle, but they have helped me become the woman I am, and that is definitely a positive thing.
So, I accept that my life will change and I know it will. Some of the changes will be my own choices and others I will choose how to face, and I know I will face them with love.