Your Word Goddess

The way is love

Yoga helps me find my soul: Gratefulness project day 8

yoga

I went to yoga yesterday.

I’ve been having trouble with sciatica down my right side and I figured yoga would help, and it did.

I haven’t been a big fan of yoga. I like to move and sweat and suffer. Not stay still and hold a pose and suffer. (How very Type A of me!)

But yesterday I liked it more than I have in the past. I came home with an intense sense of peace, which stayed with me for the rest of the day.

I am coming to terms with the fact that I need to listen to myself more. My body gave me warnings that I was hurting it, but I didn’t pay attention and developed sciatica. It was so painful at one point that I felt nauseous.

I needed to be hurt before I took notice.

This is a recurrent pattern in my life.

I often push myself beyond what I can actually handle.

I know where it comes from. I learned to keep going and survive as a child being abused. I pushed and pushed to forget, to be my own person, to live up to other people’s expectations.

Now that I’m middle aged my mind and body simply won’t do it anymore. As Christiane Northrup says our minds and bodies are connected. The symptoms we have in our body are telling us something profound about our feelings, our selves.

I know some people think this is blaming, but it is not. It is simply a fact as far as I’m concerned. We are all energy housed in a body. How can our energy not affect our physical form?

I have decided to look after my body better. I have been strength training for over two years, but I also need to be stretching and listening to my physical form more. And if I’m doing that then I’ll be listening to my feelings coming from my heart more too. It’s all interrelated after all.

It’s not easy for me to do that. To stop and take the time to figure out how I feel and what I need and want to do. I still have a tendency to think about other people before me.

But I did go to yoga. And I am being more careful with my body. I’m going to go to yoga and strength train.

I’ve stopped drinking alcohol.

I’ve reduced my caffeine intake.

I’ve been getting enough sleep.

And I’m eating less and better.

All these things will help me stay focused on who I am.

There’s something profoundly unsettling about being in your mid-forties. You know you’re closer to fifty, but you also can look back and see a lot of the choices you made in your life, and why.

Well, at least I can.

I don’t regret the choices I made, but I also see that I could’ve done things differently.

So I figure if I am more thoughtful about how I treat my body, it is a good first step to learning how to treat my soul better. Because that’s really what I’m talking about, my inner being, my soul.

So I am thankful for my sciatica that led me to yoga. Without it I might not be here now taking more time to really get to know what my soul wants and needs.

 

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From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor

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