Oneness is calm on the surface with a dynamic community living underneath: Gratefulness project day 18
As I was working on Day 5 of The Proof by James Twyman, he answered a question I’d been writing about in my journal just an hour before.
I have been letting go of my ego and I feel very peaceful inside myself, and I commented in my journal that it almost seemed boring, but not really.
However, James comments that it’s not a boredom we begin to feel. That instead oneness is quite active.
And I realized that the experience of oneness for me is like a calm lake with a dynamic community living underneath the surface.
I am no longer restless or edgy. The voice I talk to myself with is calmer and more gentle. And my movements are more fluid. My body less stiff.
I have been settling some first chakra issues. And the last one to slowly dissipate is the sciatica.
And the exercise I’ve been doing to help heal it is yoga, which encourages oneness with all things–and so not a coincidence.
So I have this wonderful community moving within me and it feels very centering and grounding.
I know that stopping drinking alcohol has made a big difference as well.
Where I once hid behind the numbness that alcohol brings, I now sit with my feelings and hear them. I have accepted that they are a part of me.
And I suppose not always a comfortable part, and that’s what started me drinking in the first place. But so many people self-medicate when they have emotional issues they find too overwhelming just to sit with.
Alcohol is a legal one, along with smoking cigarettes, but the illegal drug trade is a huge moneymaker because so many people can’t handle their feelings.
I believe that if mental illness didn’t have such a stigma people wouldn’t resort to treating themselves so often. (And there’d likely be a lot less mental illness.)
And at first treating yourself makes you feel as if you’re handling things, even taking responsibility for your issues–just like everyone else. But it’s actually very unhealthy because you’re bottling up what needs to come out.
And believe me it will come out, one way or another.
That’s what my breakdown was all about.
As my doctor said, my cup ran over.
So I have given up drinking for good.
I’d rather see my life for what it is, and myself for who I am.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy all the time, but it’s definitely easier than avoiding my feelings and hurting people and myself in the process.
So today I’m grateful for my connection to all things. How the universe or God moves through me and has given me the courage to be completely present in this life.
It is only recently that I’ve come to really understand that our life is a gift, and that we’re all here for a reason.
From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor
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