Why I’m giving up men: And super happy about it!
I think any woman growing up in a patriarchal society is angry.
The anger is not always obvious, but it’s always there simmering under the surface.
Sometimes it boils over, like when we’re followed home by cat calls late at night. And we are suddenly reminded once again that to some men we’re not human. we’re a vagina. We’re there for their gratification only. And they don’t care if they scare us as long as they get what they want. They don’t care what we want.
They forget that they’re following and intimidating someone’s daughter, sister, mother, grandmother.
Or they just don’t care.
And then there is more subtle anger that we carry with us. The everyday anger.
It’s there because we’re told to smile when we look serious, or that our nose ring isn’t cute, or asked why we don’t wear shorts or dresses, or when we’re going to grow our hair.
All imposed ideas about what men want women to look like.
We’re supposed to smile even when we’re just being, and walk around looking like simpletons and idiots.
We’re not supposed to pierce our face because that changes our pretty faces. I was actually told by a guy I dated that if I’d had a nose ring he wouldn’t have dated me. Imagine! That really made me feel loved for who I am–not!
And why am I expected to wear shorts when I don’t want to. The implied hint is that the men want to see my legs. Or see me in dresses, which I never wear because I find them totally uncomfortable and impractical. Do dresses appeal to men because then we’re easier to rape? I wouldn’t be surprised if some sick sexual fantasies fall into that comment.
And what is it about guys always wanting women to have longer hair? They need to get over that stupid stereotype right now.
And women live with all sorts of culturally imposed ideas about what women should do and not do. Women should want to be with a man. Women are less without a man.
I actually feel much better without a man in my life because in my experience they’re immature, selfish, uncaring, manipulative and irresponsible. I can look after myself just fine without a man hanging around trying to tell me what to do with my time, my thoughts, my life. And the worst is when they try to tell me how to raise my son. I mean who the hell do they think they are?!
I am not a man hater. I actually like men. But I don’t like being in relationships with them. They seem to let me down on so many levels that I’ve realized it’s just not worth it anymore.
I can get on with my life much better without one. And then I can ignore all those subtle cues, and not so subtle ones, that my culture bombards me with every day.
If I don’t want a man then why the hell should I care whether I smile or not. I can go out tomorrow and get a nose ring happily knowing guys don’t find it cute, as if I care either way. I can not wear shorts or wear them not caring what effect that might have. And I can never wear a dress again as long as I live. And if I choose short hair one day then I do with no stupid consequences to consider.
I have effectively banished the male ego from my life.
And that is a really good feeling.
In fact I can’t remember ever feeling so free before.
And some men might be wondering how I could go without the sex.
And here’s a life-changing moment–the sex wasn’t that great men, so get over yourselves.
From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor
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