Death and the future

I feel numb a lot of the time. It’s hard to explain. I can do my usual life things like groceries, laundry, planning dinner, even seeing friends, but there’s a deep down part of me that is distant.

I know I’m mourning and that’s what it is, but it almost defies description. I am totally unconcerned about making other people happy. I am instead concerned about what my life is becoming.

After 20 years my life has completely changed. It doesn’t look or feel anything like the last 20 years. I am standing on a precipice seeing open space. I have an idea where I want to go, but I have no idea what it’s going to feel like.

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