I need regular life: What I have is depression and anger instead

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It’s Saturday. I woke up and was immediately depressed. And then I got angry. Really angry.

There’s nothing to do.

Sure I can go grocery shopping, which has pretty much been my sole activity for two years. I can go for a walk, but it’s crazy cold outside, so that really doesn’t appeal to me. I can go to the mall and shop, but I don’t need anything and I don’t feel like it. I can only spend so much, and anyway what am I going to buy considering I have no where to go to wear anything or do anything new.

The restaurants are only open for take out, so I can’t go sit and have a tea and sweet or go out for dinner, something we often do on the weekend. Something we look forward to doing on the weekend because we have time alone to talk together out among other people, like normal life.

Normal life. What’s that! After two years I don’t really remember.

But apparently people are living it in some places. Nothing is closed or restricted in Florida, for example. Their news isn’t always filled with omicron, the virus, the health care system, restrictions, number of people dead from Covid, and the number of people in ICU like ours is. We are not like people in Florida, I get that, but honestly we need to be given back our lives. And soon!

I’m totally done with these restrictions. Totally.

And I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m not lonely. I have a peaceful happy life. I am doing well physically and emotionally, but even I’m starting to get depressed and angry.

So what is this lack of freedom and regular life doing to other people, you know the ones who are lonely and isolated, who don’t have peace at home but instead anger and violence, who are sick physically or mentally stressed and precarious. They are not doing well at all is my guess. Some people have even opted out of this life because there is no end in sight.

And that’s really it. There’s no end in sight. Where are we in this, the middle, the end, surely not the beginning. And many countries in Europe have decided to stop the masks and the vaccine passports. They are opening up like usual, like normal life.

I want to go there. I want to be anywhere but here, and I really never thought I’d ever think that never mind write it.

And I don’t want to be placated with it’s almost over, likely only two more weeks, and all that bullshit. It’s already been months too long, months! Another two weeks is beyond my tolerance. And Canada has been one of the most restrictive countries in the world, shutting down the most. I think the fallout afterwards is going to be extreme.

The psychological toll this pandemic has taken on us is going to be felt for years to come. So where is the good in that. There isn’t any.

For me this anger began when my father died in hospital, alone, because I wasn’t allowed to be at his bedside. I wasn’t allowed to hold his hand as he passed.

I was robbed of a moment I can never get back. That was at the beginning of the virus.

So I am angry. And it’s not going to go away any time soon.

I need freedom. I need the peace of mind that regular life gives me. And I know I’m not alone.


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